The 'Bitter' Half

15th October, 2009

Its been two years now. Well, not of being together, but rather, acknowledging it to the mass. And naturally, all of a sudden its sounding so special to everyone. Everyone is asking “What’s keeping you going?”

Frankly, the answer is one and only one. It was special for us all through. We’re not together in spite of our misunderstandings or fights (which we have with at least one meal a day). We are together… because of them.

There’s an enormous number of things that I admire about my wife. This place is neither proper nor enough to discuss all of them. This is just my newest realization about my ‘bitter’ half. All these questions on my second anniversary led me to quite a bit of introspection, which of course, yielded the answer I mentioned above. But there was also this realization in the process. Lets call it, the society’s gift to us for acknowledging our bond to it two years ago.

I asked myself, “What do I want in a person most of all to stay with him or her?” The answer I got was…. Individuality. And fortunately, I have married the most individual person I have met in my whole life. It was simply great luck that she was female, unmarried and heterosexual. And trust me, even a dumbo like me can know a perfect match (nearly perfect at least) when it is handed to him on a plate with a bit of watercress around it.

Now, without going into specifics, I guess I owe my readers an explanation as to why I consider ‘individuality’ most important. I haven’t looked up the dictionary, but by individuality, I mean, “The ability to think and feel independently.”
As a rule, I am a believer of the sociological concept called ‘Symbolic interactionism’, which denounces the concept of categorizing any behavioral action or practice as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. A hundred years ago, in our country, an infant being married to a person whose on the verge of a century, both in terms of age and marriages, was considered to be right. Also, it was considered to be great to burn her alive along with her husband.

Who knows what our successors, hundred years from now, will consider ‘right’?
In fact, we consider a lot of practices wrong that are being followed at different parts of our own country. Hence, right (or wrong) is simply a function of space and time. Of course, this does not mean I do not have inherent perceptions about right and wrong. A lot of it has been imbibed in me by my upbringing and I feel bad about a lot of things which I logically find no reason to feel bad about. But I find these judgments very foolish parameters to choose a person whom I want to spend my life with. Rather, what I would admire about him or her most would be her ability to have a thought process, independent of any society set dogmas. The points of view may be very traditional or diabolical, but that is not important. It’s the thought process…. If she thinks traditionally, it should not be because everyone else thinks that way. If she thinks diabolically, it should not be because no one else thinks that way.
In a word, what she wants from life should never be guided by what others think about it. It sounds very ‘cool’ to be like that and a lot of people think they are like that themselves. However, the fundamental flaw in their reasoning is that they are hell bent to prove that they are unique in this respect. I guess a person truly individual, should never bother about whether others think like him or not. Frankly, I have seen very few people in my life thinking like this.
But among them, my wife stands out in one aspect. She’s not afraid to pursue what she feels. And this is actually what takes her individuality to a whole new level. She is not afraid to live her life, and that is perhaps the greatest complement I can give anyone.

In fact, I guess now I understand why she is fond of nature so much.
They have a lot in common.

She is flamboyant like a river, and never thinks twice before rolling down the hills.
She is a blooming sunflower, and never ceases to look at the sun in the eye.
She is a merry-go-round in the month of June, and never afraid to spread her arms and spin around, alone, in the rain.

And this strength, this courage of hers is at its prime at the moments of failure. Both before and after marriage, I’ve seen her taking a lot of decisions which did not turn out to be very good. Some even caused her to be almost devastated. But, even then, she never regretted the decision itself and faced life with its challenges with the same old spirit.

What she does is so admirable because they are not done for the consequences but just for the experience of doing it.

An important lesson that I have learnt from her is that, in our life, it’s the actions that take up most of our time, not the final results.

So, if we want to be happy for most of our life, the wisest policy is to enjoy the actions itself.
The results, if they turn out to be adverse, should be simply considered a bad debt.

However, her ‘individuality’ has a kink in its armor. She loves her husband like hell and like all traditional wives, gives all my gibberish unnecessary importance.

Hmm….. I can suddenly smell my readers growing a lot more interested about this kink, rather than the armor.
But like I said, “this place is neither proper, nor enough….”